How not to get the girl

Things are been pretty quiet on the freak front this time on match.com, but today my mailbox had a really winning email in it. I'll be nice and not include the picture incase someone actually knows this kid (although it is priceless, email me to see it).

Subject: Nerds of a feather ...
Dear Heather,

I am green with envy over your job. One of my favorite parts of software development is user-interface design. But, alas, I have not found my way into such a position, yet.

You seem like a really sweet person with a good outlook on life. I am interested in getting to know you better. Why don't you take a look at my portrait and see if you have any interest in getting to know me. If so, maybe we can chat back and forth over e-mail or perhaps, we can even meet someday for a bite to eat and some good conversation.

Thoughts?
Pepper

So first of all, don't call a girl a nerd unless she has already done so herself. I know I'm a nerd, but it's not a good pickup line buddy.

Second of all, his name is Pepper, as in the exact same name as my dog. Could you imagine the awkward social situations that this could create? Like saying, "Pepper stop licking me" would take on a whole new context. Although, I do have the line, "Pepper I do not want to make out with you" down pat thanks to my affectionate dog.

Third, I also like how he outlines the entire online dating process for me. Thank goodness, because I was getting really confused. I thought we went out first and then had awkward email conversations. Glad to have that one cleared up.

Last, it's kind of ironic that he writes he thinks I'm a sweet person when I've just written an entire blog entry bashing him.

P.S. Who uses "alas" in an email?